Oh How I Hate LeBron James ...Let Me Count The Ways (I'll stop at 10)

1.He is a Diva Dude  (DD). For those who don't know what that term represents, please refer to the Very Smart Brothas Blog (great blog by the way, much better than this slop you are currently reading).

2.He has a concubine"wifey" that he refuses to marry yet has like 7 babies by and/or with. Now to be fair, the "King" did recently refer to her as his "sidekick". Yes, sidekick....as in Batman and Robin, Whinny the Pooh and Piglet, Wonder Woman and that Whip-thing she is always carrying around. The aforementioned relationships are a far cry from equal partnerships ...not like peanut butter and jelly (those two fellas are a true brotherhood). Anyway, I'm not trying to get all neofeminist on anyone (see Hilary Clinton 08 supporters) but I just find the term to be a tad demeaning for the mother of ones many, many, many...many children."

3. The Decision ...need I say more? that who episode was a dark day for ESPN, it was the greatest display of narcism I've ever seen live on television (beating out Ochocinco shameful display of coonery on dancing with the stars by a nose).

4. His Titles, and i'm not talkin championships. He hasn't won ANYTHING! Why does he get titles such as "king" and "chosen one" and "Witness" (to his greatness i assume). Every time I hear one of these titles I wanna throw my sandal at my TV ala Muntazer al-Zaidi.

5. He is a sore loser (see the Cavaliers 2009 ouster from the eastern conference finals. The Handshake that wasn't). If the Orlando Magic were an ear, sayyy one belonging to Evader Holyfield, Lebron James' poor sportsmanship would be likeeeee (you guest it) Iron Mikes nifty bite maneuver.

6. He's Ugly, and god don't like ugly, so yeah, he may or may not be in that number (Go Saints!).
Honestly, I know momma said never call anyone ugly, but i'm sorry, i just don't understand why he gets so much love for his physical appearance when for all intensive purposes this dude looks like a south Akron Lama (those exist, Google it! ..no they don't). Ok yes, I'm a hater and maybe even a little gay for listing this in the top ten, but as the late great Marlon Wayans  once said of Patrick Ewing "he looks like a Haitian Sasquatch". (Marlon Wayans is still alive for the record, as is Wayans Brothers via TVOne). Look, does  LeBron have designer suits that are impeccably tailored? yep! Does he have Ralph Lauren's personal stylist's stylist? probably. Does he have a personal traveling barber/hype man he keeps in his gym bag? possibly ... But in the end I have only two spiteful words ..Lipstick ..Pig

7. His name is LeBron. seriously?? LeBron?? ..we gotta do better my black people.

8. Seriously, who runs off to another team (Miami) to join two other established stars to in-order to win a championship?  A diva dude does that's who! Would his Airness have done that? f*ck no!! Mike was about winning on his own terms, not piggybacking his way to glory.

9. Oh how i Hate him...

10. Lebron James makes passive aggressive threats via Twitter ...because he is a 12 year old girl.  i.e.“Don’t think for one min that I haven’t been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!”
ps...What exactly will be his course of action after vigorously recording these elaborate mental notes? perhaps climb a Miami clock tower during all star weekend? ...no no divas aren't that crazy.

Paper or Plastic ...or Tyranny!

WARNING...THIS RANT MAY (or may not) OFFEND AND/OR DEFAME LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE ...including me.

Ok..now that I am finished with my disclaimer, I know what I am about to say is old news, but my morning routine sparked this rant...so blame her. As I was preparing for the day, i decided to pack my lunch instead of eating out as usual (the recession finally got me). I planned on packing a sandwich, 2 peaches, a granola bar, and a bottled water...pretty healthy i might add! I then realized that i left my handy dandy lunch pal/bag thingy at work. Oh No What Ever Would I do?! Being the young MacGyver that I am, I stuffed all these items into a plastic Safeway bag and was out the door, just in time to be my usual 10 minutes late for work, yay! As I was driving, I got to a-thoughting, what if i didn't have that Safeway bag to save the day?? What would i have done? put my food in a pillow case? carry it via hand and eat it in the car for breakfast? juggle it? Though all acceptable options, I was glad the plastic bag had been around. I realized that I would not have had this (free) plastic bag option if i lived in a jurisdiction that places a premium on their use. Today, many jurisdictions are requiring customers to pay for paper and plastic (albeit usually under 10 cents)...the great paper or plastic debate is over...you both lose..cloth for president!!

Editors note: Some jurisdictions, such as San Fransisco, ** barf**, home of all things hyper liberal (insert Nancy Pelosi joke here), have even gone as far as banning such bags altogether! oh the humanity!

Look, I understand the logic, plastic bags are bad for the environment, but placing a tax to prevent/penalize their use? really??

At the end of the day the only people this tax is hurting are the poor. The poor (and myself) use plastic grocery bags for all sorts of things, from picking up dog poop to packing your lunch (see above). Yes people could use other containers that are better for the environment, but i argue that these items are yet another expense that some poor people just cant afford. Seriously, why spend $4.99 on gladlock sandwich bags when i can use a Giant bag for free?? I'd argue that on a number of levels this tax and the societal benefits it induces will be paid for on the backs of the poor, like most government initiatives proclaiming to benefit all citizenry ...see state lottery systems, increased liquor/cigerate taxes, proposed taxes on soda/fast food.

At the end of the day I just see this as another example of liberals forcing their views on the masses, without concern for the monetary costs on individual consumers. Because they believe that plastic bags are bad for the environment, we all must march towards banning their use. What "really grinds my gears" is that so called free thinkers to realize is that their "free thought" and way of living isn't for everyone. Some of us have more pressing day to day concerns than the environment..like umm..eating.When you force your liberal views and agenda on people what makes you different than the religious right?... specifically this guy.

ok, rant over  ** steps down from soap box**

ps... I identify as a free thinking liberal ..so yea, I'm also raging against the machine that is me.

P90X Runs My Life

I recently was inflicted with a debilitating condition called P90Xrexia. Its kinda like balemia or anarexia, minus the throwing up and self inflicted starvation. No, well actually, its nothing like those two at all. My condition is more like bigorexia, a disorder I was hilariously delighted to discover while watching a Real Sports with Bryant Gumble-Coon episode about female bodybuilders and the men who love them; though the whole idea of female Muscle Worship terrifies me on a number of heterosexual levels (i swear!).


but i digress...



I will be the first to say that I'm not a real doctor, though I am a Juris Doctor, which I once heard on the metro was the equivalent of an unemployed dentist...or something. (that was a not so subtle shot at my sister, currently burning the midnight oil at Howard University School of Dentistry...HU!). Anyway, so while I don't know I have a problem, I KNOW I have a problem..dig? dug? good! 

I'm all too confident that P90X is slowly beginning to control all aspects of my life. I wake up in the morning thinking about p90x, I go to sleep at night thinking about p90x ...That ninja Tony Horton (see above) is in my dreams i tell you! ...(no homo). I'm waking up in cold sweats terrified of a 53 year old man! He is like the home workout video equivalent of Ving Rhames in baby boy, and I'm littleeeeee jodi (classic movie by the way). The program is all consuming, all or nothing, Tony's way or the highway (i guess the "highway" would lead back to the couch). The man is like a jolly Drill Sargent. I find myself saying things like "man i gotta pop the dvd in, don't wanna let Tony down" considering I've never met the man, he SHOULD be tantamount to a fictional character.. (speaking of fictional characters, what ever happened to Skeletor's younger brother Billy Blanks?). Anyway, my affliction is getting so bad that I inadvertently recite p90x catch phrases at inopportune times...e.i. the job interview where i ended  my "hire me please" spiel by stating "if you hire me I'm gonna DO MY BEST AND FORGET THE REST!"...I wasn't hired.


ok, time to come full circle...


For all my complaining, I must admit that p90x is the best workout system I have ever known, even going back to the grueling 2-a-days of my high school glory years, those were God awful. Today I saw what, after careful scrutiny, appeared to be the budding one ab pack...( 5 to go, yay!) Yes, I limp around the office and frequently nap at my desk due to unanticipated physical fatigue, but 90 days from now when I'm lookin like a young (or old) Matthew Mcchonohey i WILL be actin brand new.  




...now if only i could stop eating coldstone.

The Ode To Rachel Maddow

What can I say, I'm in love with her. If I were gay, and a woman for that matter, I'd be all over her (see Hobo on a ham sandwich).  But alas, I was cursed with heterosexuality and manhood **sigh**...blast! Lets be clear about something, its not that I find Rachel (we are on a first name basis) to be gorgeous or think that she has some superficial physical characteristic or disproportionately large body part to die for (see Buffie). I just love her for her, as much as one can love someone that they have never met nor been within 100 yards of.

Truth is, I actually think she is kinda plain Jane/Kiesha. What really keeps me coming back to MSNBC (besides furthering my repetitive stress disorder... liberal agenda) is that big sexy Stanford trained, Oxford attending, Rhodes Scholar brain of hers. **sigh** She is a nerd...like me... and in the end i'm all about sticking with my own kind! (still waiting in vain for the "supreme" court to come to its senses on Loving v. Virginia ...i kid i kid.)

Ok, on a semi serious note, the oneeeee problem i have with Rachel is what appears to be her general disdain for individual expressions of faith. She ridicules anyone (e.i. Sarah Palin) for making statements, that honestly, my mom/grandma make on a daily basis. Statements like "God guided me to the Vice Presidency" or "May God lead our troups in battle" (ps. my mom does not say those exact phrases). I know everyone (with a brain) is about separating church and state...sh*t, I'm all for it too! But I worry that subtle attacks on such expressions are just as oppressive as those who try to force religion down our collective throats (see evangelicals).

Not to worry, this small divergence in viewpoints is not enough to quench the eternal love-flame i have burning for sweet Rachel...she will always be my Air America-truck driving-lesbian-Caucasian-east coast Michele Obama.

PS ...I swear I am not alone in my love for Rachel! ..at this point I usually would post a link to further my viewpoints, but instead! all you're gonna get is this:   <3

Dear Corporate America, We Get It, Now Enough With The Frizzy Hair Already

So yesterday while wandering through a local Target with my sister I couldn't help but notice the large number of in-store advertisements/ displays featuring black people...well not just any old black people, but black people of a light complexion and, more importantly, with the same or similar freezy/curly hairstyle (see exibit A above). For black women/girls in these ads, it is a frizzy hairstyle of shoulder length (never never neverrrr relaxed/straight). For black men/boys the hairstyle of choice is this curly/mop-top afro thing, ala Justin Guarini.

Truth be told, this wasn't the first time I noticed this frizzy-haired phenomenon, I have been railing against this for some time now. See, my beef is this...its not that i don't think these models are undeserving of the prominence they are receiving in advertisements...to the contrary! these folks, like many actors/models/ pitch persons/reporters/nigerians tend to air on the side of attractiveness. My issue is that the VAST majority of black people DO NOT look like this! These half breeds folks, and their hairstyles/hairtypes are being disproportionately represented! As corporate America trots out these "black" people, groups outside of the diaspora may come to the erroneous conclusion that these depictions are how most black people actually look.....like in real life! ...and that's a shame because we all actually look like THIS. (...all of us!!)

Honestly, I think on some level this "watering down" of black folks on the part of the "mainstream media" (i hate that phrase, it makes the speaker instantly pretentious...yet here i am) is a manifestation of how they want/ hope all black people will eventually look like. Its not an issue of making black people non-threatening ala the fonzworth, rather, i think its a liberals dream of having a world full of "mixed race" people running around. For them, its the ultimate cure for racism, white guilt/burden, and that pesky problem of black resentment of all things white (minus the IPhone). "How can you hate white people when you yourself are half white?!" they would reason ...problem solved in one fowl stroke swoop!!...no "reverse racism" for miles! If you don't understand what am getting at, take a day trip to Seattle...aside from my brother, I'd estimate that there are like 5 "untainted" black people in the whole city. (that was reverse racist..i'm sorry).

Bar Exam Recap ...the test that wasn't

Umm...so at some point this week, the abusive spouse that is the Bar exam had its way with many a-law-student across the land. I had been slaving through a bar prep class since late may, and until last week, I had every intention of taking the exam (true story). But something special happened to me about a week ago, aside from seeing Ciera's "Ride" video for the first time..It dawned on me that there was a damn good chance that I was going to FAIL a exam of the up most importance. (this isn't to say i haven't failed important exams in the past ...see Organic Chemistry Howard University Summer 2004 ...yeah).

Anyway, last week was the first time I realized that all my efforts were for not..my ass had been defeated, vanquished, bamboozled, lead astray, Rush Limbaugh'd. I mean don't get me wrong,  up to that point I was still going through the motions like a kid up past his bedtime, but deeeeeeep down I had known *for at least 3 weeks prior* that I was finished, like Arturo Thunder Gatti's left cheek (no homo and RIP), a knockout was inevitable.

So faced with these seemingly insurmountable odds, what did young arinze3000 do in response you ask in unbridled anticipation???? Did he get up and dust myself off ala Aaliyah? (another RIP...lets is if i can go for three) Continue to burn the 7:00pm midnight oil? Delay the Metro Red Line further by pulling a Third Eye Blind?  Well my good people of the blogosphere, the answer is none of the above! (I grifted you well well didn't I?!) ...I did nothing, I simply stopped studying...of course when i tell people this sad tale their heart's pull a Dick Cheney (why is he still with us and my beloved dog Baxter isn't?) But i digress... anywho, for me, I am confident and content with my decision, and besides, its not like i will NEVER take the Bar (I'm registered for February). Plus, as a delightful incentive, if i didn't take it, I am 93% certain that my mother would pull a  Marvin Gay Sr. on me. (ummm...too soon?)